Bush appoints Christ supreme commander of American forces in Iraq
by Brittany Harrison



(Washington, D.C.) At a conference today on the steps of the White House, President Bush revealed his choice of commander of US forces in the war in Iraq.

"It is my belief and that of my cabinet that the Lord Jesus Christ is an ideal leader for our brave men and women in a combat situation in the Middle East," said the leader of the free world as he faced reporters, his hair and eyebrows singed white.

Attorney General John Ashcroft called the presidential appointment "a wise and logical decision."

"It's important to remember that we're in a war of good versus evil," said the Attorney General. "The Son of God is a natural to lead us against the enemy, especially now that we have strong evidence that Iraq is in league with Satan."

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield declined to comment in response to charges that the President's collusion with a deity qualifies as theocracy and might be viewed as a constitutional violation.

This appointment signifies an apparent reversal of policy on the part of Christ himself, who was last quoted on the issue of war with Iraq as saying, "blessed are the peacemakers."

The stance of the prophet Mohamed is unclear at this time. Independent sources indicate he has been seen wandering the streets of Baghdad, muttering, "no, not water, but the fire next time."

God the Father declined to be interviewed for this article.


back